Leaving Parental control – Learn it from kite flying
One of the most difficult things for a parent is to know when and how much from he/she did give the child and in what form. We have numerous examples of freedom given too soon leading to boredom, burnout, depression: and from given too sparingly or too late leading to lack of confidence, weak personality, self doubt or erupted/unbalanced behavior.
So, how should a parent know about losing control and allowing freedom to the child – the best lesson perhaps comes from flying a kite.
A kite is at first bound to the string with great care and sensitivity, just the way a child is bonded with the parents. As the kite is flown, it’s strings are kept tight, with tugs given every now and then. In the same way, when the child grows up, he/she needs to be watched upon closely, with care and suitable instructions / guidance given from time to time. The level of control here is high.
After a while the kite is to be offered the ‘dheel’ (loosening of the string) add ‘kheench’ (tightening) to be able to fly higher and measure up to the wind, the same way a child is put through various activities, some giving him space and others putting him under pressure to make him ready for the world. The kite flier, unknown to kite, keeps a keen watch, and if he finds something wrong with the kite or the wind conditions, draws the kite back. This is the ‘correction’ or the ‘wait’ mode, where the control is temporarily regained, signifying that the kite is not yet ready, or the conditions are not yet right. This is so similar to our parenting when we become strict on observing either some correction required in the child or when the company or the external environment is not safe.
When the kite is finally ready to fly on a good day, it is time to let it fly higher and reach its destiny. At a certain point, the kite seems to know exactly where to be, and keeps bouncing on the wind, straining the string to let go. Here, the flier’s control must cease, and let the kite determine it’s very own path. At times it beats other kites and yet stays, and then a point comes when it simply forces the string to detach, and flies to another world. The flier too, let’s go and moves on.
Similarly, when we have nurtured our children in the right way and they are yearning to experience the world beyond us, it is our duty to let go, and give them the required freedom which they need to deal with the world on their own terms . This must be done consciously and with prayers for their well being.