Living your dreams through your children
Are you a parent living through your child’s dream?
Of course, it’s totally understandable (and healthy!) to want and wish great things for your child.
But do you know what your kids want or would like to become or pursue?
A wish list driven by your ego can have consequences. Not only does participating in activities your child does not enjoy make them utterly miserable, but they may misinterpret your love as conditional.By becoming more in tune with your own desires for your kids, you’ll be able to tell if you’re making your child’s life all about you (and your ego). If you are (or you think you might be), just unplug your ears. Yep, it’s as simple (and difficult) as that.
Why do parents live through their child’s dream?
Pushy parents who go to great lengths to make their children succeed are attempting to make up for their own failed dreams.But not all parents use their children to help them to resolve their own feelings of ‘regret and disappointment.’ The key factor is the more a mother or father saw of themselves in their child, the more likely they were to want them to live their own unrequited ambitions. Some parents see their children as extensions of themselves, rather than as separate people with their own hopes and dreams.
How to stop living through your child’s dream?
Identify areas where you may have confused your desires with your child’s:
Seek to identify the areas where you seem to have disregarded your child’s true wishes or talents and have transposed yourself in his or her place, seeking outcomes related to what you’d wished happened rather than what your child is best suited to doing or being.
Try to find out your child’s area of interest:
Remind yourself frequently that your child is not you and that expressing his or her talents is not a direct reflection of who you are or what you have achieved in life.
Help your child to explore their inner talents without your outlay:
En-roll them in different classes like singing, dancing, swimming, etc. Let them on your own explore their hidden talents.
Let them make their own choices:
If your child wishes to quit activities you’ve enrolled him or her in, ask that he or she finishes the project or season and then reflects on the activities. This is an important part of learning to “not just give up.” By providing your child with the ability to make a decision whether to continue after finishing the session or season or not, you teach your child to give things a go but then to reach a decision after a trial.